Essentials
by Ashkash
Summary: “It’s the beard, isn’t it?” came a sudden question in his lazy tone. John was satisfied by her reaction to his query. JohnElizabeth, MikeElizabeth.
1. Beard Essentials

Pairings: John/Elizabeth, Mike Branton/Elizabeth

Rating: Can still be considered K, but I used 'damned'.

Spoilers: Up to Sunday, but eps referenced are McKay and Mrs Miller, Epiphany, and Sunday.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis, its characters, or its world.

**Notes**: Well, here I go adding to the _Sunday_ post ep fics. :) Written after a long hiatus from writing anything Stargate Atlantis, bar RPGing.

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**_Beard Essentials_**

Feeling completely comfortable in Elizabeth's office, John leaned back in the visitor's chair and placed his legs on her desk. He was bored. Rodney had already kicked him out of the lab. Ronon and Teyla were sparring, and he had decided that it would be best if he wasn't there. So, he thought he would bug Elizabeth. She was probably doing her thing checking on various departments so he had decided to wait, and to help himself to some of her 'toys'. He frowned while observing the bowl with the statues sitting in a circle. Where had she gotten this again? The reason for his confusion was because one of the statues was missing.

Not thinking anymore of it, he reached for the little pot he had given her. Like a kid sensing sweeties in his reach, he opened it. The pot had always seemed like the 'sweetie-jar' type, and he had found himself wanting to lift the lid on many visits to her office. Sadly, there were no sweeties, and John pouted. He was so taken up in the toys in her office that he didn't realize that Elizabeth had entered. John only knew when she smacked his feet off the desk. His 'Little Lost Boy' look wasn't able to catch her attention as she sat down in her chair and busied herself with work.

"Something wrong, John?" she asked, without looking up.

"No," he replied.

"Good."

Seconds of silence passed before he began drumming his fingers on the pot while looking at her. He enjoyed seeing her work. A mischievous grin soon formed on his face. "It's the beard, isn't it?" came a sudden question in his lazy tone. John was satisfied by her reaction to his query.

Elizabeth immediately stopped what she was doing and looked up, where her curious eyes met his now innocent-looking face. "What?" she said.

John turned his attention back to the pot. "Just didn't figure you for the beard type," he continued in the same tone. "Though I should've known after you rescued me from that damned Ancient planet."

He heard her sigh. "Okay, are you really _that_ bored? Go bother Rodney."

"I already did. He sealed the door behind me. Said something about keeping Radek out, though I think it was a front. He just wanted me outta there"

"It was wide open when I got there."

John stopped playing with the pot and snapped his head up to her. "It was?" She shot him a brief smile and then returned to her work. John narrowed his eyes. He wasn't going to let it go that easily. "So, Rodney was telling me how you and a certain bearded man were -"

"Out!" she quickly commanded, pointing where the door was.

However, John wasn't offended by her interruption, quite the opposite. When he saw the smile slowly daring to grace her features, he grinned. Sheppard was about to say something else when he was interrupted – again.

"Am I intruding?"

There was visible hesitation and tenseness on Elizabeth's face. John narrowed his eyes before turning to greet the visitor. Needless to say, it was that certain bearded man Mike Branton. He turned back and grinned at her before getting up from his seat. He replaced the pot and then joined Branton in the doorway, where he scrutinized the man's beard.

"What do you use?" John inquired. Mike was confused. He looked at Elizabeth briefly before turning back to John. Sheppard kept his eyes on Branton the whole time. "Trimmers? Scissors?"

From another's point of view, it could be speculated that Sheppard was sizing up Mike Branton, and was masking it by engaging in conversation.

When Mike caught on to what Sheppard had meant he fired out that charming smile. "I use the electric trimmer. However, even though it may take a bit longer, using scissors is efficient. Thinking of growing a beard, Colonel?"

"Been there. Done that. Regulations keep me to a bare minimum."

"Well, it has its perks."

"Oh, I bet it does."

The two men stared at each other for a moment. John was looking at Mike with a straight face, while Branton was smiling at him. They didn't see Elizabeth massaging her temples. John then suddenly grinned, and then directed it at her. She narrowed her eyes at him, because it was the grin he used when he was enjoying himself more than he should have. The grinning Sheppard then sauntered off, leaving behind one confused scientist and one irritated leader.

John Sheppard wasn't getting away that easily.  



	2. Food Essentials

**_Food Essentials_**

John was sitting on his bed reading **_War and Peace_**. It bothered him to no end that he hadn't finished the dang book yet. But hey, he couldn't complain about some of the distractions. In fact, the skateboard begging to be ridden through the halls of Atlantis was distracting him at this very moment. The chime at his door soon distracted him again. Imitating Captain Picard, he gave the go ahead to the person on the other side of the doors to enter. "Come!"

It was Ronon. "You busy?" he asked while standing in the doorway.

John stared at him for a moment, and then indicated the book his hands. "Very," Sheppard replied.

Ronon walked towards the bed and grabbed the book from John. He closed it and John watched as the book dropped next his Dex's feet with a loud thud. "No, you're not," Ronon said with a smirk, before slapping Sheppard on the knee. "Come on. Time for some fun."

John could only stare at Ronon's quick exit. He soon grimaced when he remembered what the Satedan had classed as 'fun'. His type of fun could be dangerous, so of course the Lieutenant Colonel was reluctant. Reluctant or not, he followed Ronon anyway. He would never give up until Ronon was lying on the floor looking up at his smug face.

That time looked like it would never come, especially since he always seemed to be the one lying on his back looking up at the smug Ronon, or a warrior princess. John sighed and forced his head off the floor to look at the victorious Satedan. "Are you kicking my ass more than usual?" he asked, staring accusingly at the former Runner. Ronon smiled and tapped his fighting stick on his right shoulder. Sheppard shook his head and didn't bother getting up.

Five tormenting minutes later and they entered the commissary for lunch. They took their trays and loaded them up with their favourite meal. John glanced towards the tables and did a double take. He stared, and soon frowned. Elizabeth and Branton were at the same table – together, eating, laughing. He just had to go over there. Smirking, John took himself and his tray down to meet them.

"Doctors," he said to announce his arrival.

Elizabeth looked up and smiled. "John," she said.

Mike also greeted him. "Colonel." The bearded man then turned his attention to John's tray. "What are you having?"

John looked down at his food and smiled. "Green Eggs and Ham," he said. He was having his all time favourite turkey sandwich. Nothing like a turkey sandwich, some fruit, and juice after a good licking. Elizabeth took a sip from her water bottle to cover her smile, while Mike continued smiling that whopper smile. John then leaned forward a little to observe their trays. "What about you? Looks deadly."

Mike laughed. "No more deadly than Green Eggs and Ham."

John paused for a moment, moved back, and then frowned at Mike. However, the small chuckle from Elizabeth made the men look at her. John narrowed his eyes and then grinned. "Anyway, Doctors, enjoy your lunch," he said and walked off.

"How did it go with Ronon, John?" Elizabeth said, making John stop in his tracks.

He turned around and saw a very cheeky-looking Elizabeth Weir. Drinking water from the bottle didn't mask her smile this time. He didn't notice Mike turning around to see his answer. "It went fine, " John finally said, and with some uncertainty. It was then that he noticed Mike. The Doctor-Of-What-Again turned back to the table and continued eating.

Elizabeth smiled, and John narrowed his eyes at her. It was the smile she used when she knew something more than the other person. "Good," she then said.

He stared at her for moment, before smirking and doing his 'head movements of satisfaction'. John then headed back to Ronon. For some reason, it felt like Elizabeth had done a Burns and released the hound on him.

"That went well," Ronon said with a cheeky smile.

John stared at him. Was it true? His butt, his head, his bones, and his back were telling him that he could possibly be true. "Do you know who Inigo Montoya is?" he asked in his lazy tone.

The Satedan stared back in confusion "No," he replied

John nodded. "Good." He looked back at Elizabeth and saw her laughing. Rolling his eyes he then left the commissary, with a grinning Ronon not far behind him.

Elizabeth Weir was one devious woman. John wondered how Mike Branton would look without that beard. The image of the Doctor-Of-What-Again being held down while his beard was cruelly taken away from him amused the Lieutenant Colonel all through his lunch.

Yeah, he needed to find better ways to spend his time.

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**A/N**: Thank you for reading. Not too sure if there'll be more. But, I'll try. :) 


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